21 questions for couples: the game, from light to deep

The 21 questions game for couples: twenty-one questions, asked in order, each one a little more personal than the last. It takes about half an hour, works on a date, a road trip or over text, and is the quickest way to learn something new about someone you already know well.

21 questions ·

How to play 21 questions as a couple

  1. Go in order, from question 1 to 21. The order is the point: it warms you up before the deep end.
  2. Both of you answer every question. The one who reads it answers second.
  3. Each of you gets one skip. A skipped question can come back at the end.
  4. Over text, send one question at a time and do not send the next until you have both answered.

Questions 1 to 7: easy and light

Mornings, trips, the things that make time fly. Nothing you need to think hard about.

  1. What would your ideal morning together look like?
  2. Which travel memory has stayed with you the most?
  3. Which shared activities help you relax the most?
  4. How important is cooking or eating together to you?
  5. What travel ritual do you love doing together?
  6. What would your perfect screen-free day together look like?
  7. What do you do together that makes time fly?

Questions 8 to 14: getting personal

How you have changed, what you keep putting off, what you would tell your younger selves.

  1. Which experience brought you closest together?
  2. How have you changed since you first met?
  3. What plans do you keep saying you’ll do “someday” and why haven’t you yet?
  4. What matters to you now that you barely cared about five years ago?
  5. Which friendships matter most to you right now, and why?
  6. If you could talk to yourselves from five years ago, what would you say?
  7. What moment from the past year meant the most to you?

Questions 15 to 21: the deep end

The topics you avoid, what you could never forgive, what your parents taught you about love.

  1. What topics are hardest for you to talk about with your partner?
  2. What topic do you tend to avoid talking about?
  3. What’s something you could never forgive in a relationship?
  4. What did your parents’ relationships teach you about love?
  5. What parts of your personalities clash the most?
  6. When was the last time you went against your own needs or instincts, and why?
  7. If you could know the answer to one question about your future, what would you ask?

After the 21 questions

Liked the format? The 36 questions to fall in love are the longer, research-backed version of the same idea. For something lighter, play this or that or the newlywed game. 21 questions also works well on a first or second date; for where to go, see these first date ideas.

What is the 21 questions game?

A conversation game where you ask each other 21 questions in turn. For couples, the best version goes from light to deep, so the harder questions come once you are both comfortable.

How long does 21 questions take?

Around 30 minutes if you both answer properly. Over text it can stretch over an evening, which is part of the fun.

Is 21 questions good for a new relationship?

Yes, it was made for getting to know someone. In a new relationship, stop after question 14 and save the deep end for another night.