Relationship check-in questions: 30 for a weekly check-in
Thirty relationship check-in questions for a regular couples check-in: a short, scheduled conversation about how the two of you are actually doing. In the coupleroom Dilemma, **68% of couples said they would rather do a regular check-in** than wait until a problem comes up on its own. These questions make it easy to start.
30 questions ·
A 15-minute weekly check-in
- Same time each week, phones away. Sunday evening works for most couples.
- Five minutes: pick two questions from “How are we doing”. Both answer.
- Five minutes: one question from “When things feel tense”, only if something is.
- Five minutes: one question from “What is next”, and end on something you are looking forward to.
- Keep it short. A check-in that runs an hour stops happening.
How are we doing: weekly check-in questions
Easy openers about the last week. Start here every time.
- What feelings have been showing up most in your relationship lately?
- What’s something new you’ve learned about each other lately?
- What’s better about your life now than it was a year ago?
- What’s one thing about your partner that makes your life easier?
- What’s the sweetest thing your partner has done for you lately?
- What helps you feel emotionally good in your relationship?
- What behaviors from your partner make you feel calm and comfortable in everyday life?
- How does your partner support you during difficult moments?
- What are you grateful to your partner for today?
- What compliment would you love to hear from your partner more often?
When things feel tense
For the weeks with friction. Ask with curiosity, not as an accusation.
- What do you argue about most, and why do you think it keeps coming up?
- What did your last argument teach you about each other?
- When was the last time one of you had to compromise?
- How do you usually reconnect after an argument?
- What usually helps you calm down when you’re angry?
- What usually causes small arguments between you?
- How do you usually react when you feel misunderstood by your other half?
- How do you react when work stress starts affecting your relationship?
- What’s stressing you out the most right now?
- What would you currently like to change in your daily routine together?
What is next
Plans, small and big. Always end the check-in here.
- What are you most excited about in the next month?
- What future moment are you most excited about right now?
- What is one dream you would like to fulfill together within the next three months?
- What’s one dream you’d love to make happen within the next year?
- What’s a new activity you’d love to start doing together regularly?
- What relationship ritual would you miss the most if you stopped doing it?
- What plans do you keep saying you’ll do “someday” and why haven’t you yet?
- What self-care rituals do you enjoy doing with your partner?
- What new thing would you like to learn together with your partner?
- What is one shared ritual you couldn’t imagine living without?
Making the check-in stick
The couples who keep doing check-ins keep them short and pleasant, and do not save every complaint for them. If you would rather not schedule it, the Question of the Day in the coupleroom app does a small version every day: one question on both your phones, and you see each other’s answers once you have both replied. More questions for the hard conversations are in questions to ask before marriage.
What is a relationship check-in?
A short, regular conversation, usually weekly, where a couple talks about how the relationship is going: what felt good, what was hard, and what is coming up. It keeps small issues from turning into big ones.
How often should couples do a check-in?
Weekly works for most couples and takes about 15 minutes. Monthly is enough if you already talk a lot; use the longer gap to go a bit deeper.
Is a check-in the same as couples therapy?
No. A check-in is a habit for a relationship that is basically fine. If check-ins keep turning into the same argument, that is a good moment to talk to a couples therapist.